A helpful tool in any recovery is to develop boundaries for health relationship, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
Say for instance another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their stuff, not ours. When someone plays the role of a a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.
In any situation, when someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person. When a person is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.
If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person’s property.
People’s lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them and Not us.
What people hope and dream is their stuff. Any guilt or shame belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs, as are their beliefs and expressions.
Say for instance a person doesn’t like who they are, that is their choice. It belongs to them, not you. Other people’s choices are their stuff, not ours.
What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our stuff? Our business includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In addiction recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn’t ours, we don’t take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what’s ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn’t. If it’s not mine, I won’t keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine. I will stay in my own lane. I will mind my business, not theirs.
We provide Online Support & Counselling for people at all stages of help seeking:
- For first time help seekers
- For people waiting for treatment
- For people in treatment that require additional support, particularly after hours
- For people who have completed treatment and want to stay on track
- For people in recovery wanting to connect with others or prevent relapse
- For people supporting a significant other with a drug and alcohol problem (Families, friends)
We assess your unique situation and help you to choose the most effective solutions for your specific needs.
CLICK HERE to book a Free 20 minute consultation.
Links
Alcoholics Anonymous South Africa
Cocaine Anonymous South Africa
It’s time for you to live your best life. With our help, you can kick the habit!
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