Don’t Let Stigma Keep You Silent
It’s unfortunate, but there’s no denying that alcoholism comes loaded with stigma. Stigma triggers shame and shame leads to silence. And silence keeps us trapped in our darkest secrets.
If you find yourself buckling under the weight of stigma or the fear of what people may think about you if they find out that your husband, daughter or mother is an alcoholic, remember that stigmas are nothing more than old, worn-out ideas about alcoholism. There will be people who judge you unfairly; there’s no dodging it. But their judgment says more about how little they know about addiction than it does about you and your situation.
There Will Be People Who Just Don’t Get It
Friends and family who have never been directly touched by alcoholism or addiction may not be able to understand or relate to what you’re going through. Although some may want to offer their support, they may be hesitant to bring it up or just not know how to approach the subject with you. Then there might be an unfortunate few whose knowledge of alcoholism or addiction is guided entirely by stigma, myth and misconception. Unfortunately, there’s little you can do for people who aren’t willing to open up their minds to new ideas about addiction. But what you can do is find people through community groups, 12-step meetings and even on social media, that do get it and lean on them for support when you need it.
Learn the Difference Between Enabling and Detaching With Love
One of the most difficult challenges we face as loved ones of alcoholics is knowing the difference between enabling and detaching with love. When we enable the addict in our lives we become obsessed, at the cost of our sanity, with cleaning up our loved one’s messes. No one wants to watch someone they love drown their potential and their future in a bottle of booze. But when we consistently step in and shield someone from the consequences of their actions, we delay their progression towards recovery. When we detach with love, though, we create boundaries that respect our own emotional and mental well-being, while allowing the alcoholic to continue to make their own choices, whatever they may be.
Boundaries Are Necessary; Get Help Creating Them
One of the best ways to keep your enabling reflexes in check is to learn how to create boundaries with your loved one. Boundaries, although challenging to enforce, will aid you in defining exactly the behaviors you are willing to tolerate as well as what you’re not willing to put up with. If you’re having difficulty with the idea of establishing boundaries with someone you love, reach out and get help in figuring out what yours should be and how to set them up.
Email us for support info@alphatreatment.co.za or Whatsapp us on South African dialing code +27 0823588661
There’s Always Hope
Finally, it’s time to talk about your most consistent ally in the world of alcoholism or addiction and that ally is hope. Depending on what’s unraveling in your life, you may not feel hopeful 100% of the time and that’s okay. Look for inspiration from your support group, connect with people and listen to their stories. It can be very therapeutic to realize that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. And for the times when you really just can’t shake that hopeless feeling, simply try to roll with it. The feeling will pass and when you’re ready to come back to it, hope will be there waiting for you.