As the reality of the situation set in, I realized I had a clear choice between anger and acceptance: anger had the power to kill me, whereas acceptance had the power to save me.
Hope, Faith & Courage Volume II, page 97
For the longest time in sobriety, I would get mad at a situation or person and not be particularly subtle with my emotions. I was not the yelling type, or the slammer, or even the curser or thrower. I was that intense, seething cauldron, just taking it in and sitting with it, but everyone instantly knew I was Angry.
One of the hardest parts in recovery has been to learn about why I get so infuriated and understand what triggers this reaction. Changing my outrage behavior once and for all certainly seemed a necessary adjustment.
Textbook example of Anger
I started by examining my anger before I got sober. This proved of little help since in those days, the fury was immediately numbed with a mind-altering substance.
Going back further to pre-addiction, I found nothing on my side of the street but passive behavior as I witnessed both my parents often filled with rage-at each other, at situations, or, sometimes, even at me and my siblings. I didn’t piece it together until much later, but their behavior was a textbook example of anger.
Is my anger masking fear, or shame?
Through many inventories, as well as by sharing at countless topic meetings about anger and rage, I finally pieced together some insights.
First, I learned that anger is a primary emotion, meaning that another emotion (or two) is always lurking underneath, fueling anger’s fire. Often, I realize my anger is masking fear, shame, or both. I have witnessed that with my parents, co-workers, and other program members, the same pattern is prevalent.
Second, being angry in recovery from time to time is a piece in my emotional thawing as I continue to experience feelings which are new in my un-numbed life.
I have learned to face them all now and attempt to place them in some meaningful perspective. With prayer and a strong daily Tenth Step, this thaw is finally manageable.
Remain Calm
I still get upset sometimes, and when I do, I stop to examine whether it’s fear, shame, or some other character defect attempting to rear its ugly head at that particular moment. This realization has helped me enormously to remain calm and be slow to anger.
Clarity and the ability to implement serenity
I am grateful for the insight that some other emotion or set of emotions lies underneath my anger. I pray for clarity in understanding the emotions fueling my ire, combined with the ability to implement serenity, and an understanding to arrest this continued pattern.
Treatment & Support options
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This is a great place to Start, and it would be best for you to Book a Session to discuss the specifics. We are offering a FREE 20 Minute session to determine the best solutions for your specific needs.
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