Victims and Hostages
The addict or alcoholic is so numb to our surroundings that there’s no understanding or Awareness of anybody else. In one of my family process groups, a 15 year old daughter of an addicted mother confronted her mother by describing how she dreaded getting up every morning because she feared her mother would be dead from an overdose. Her mother began to understand the severe impact her drug addiction had on her children.
We can’t see ourselves the way our children do. I can’t imagine how terrifying a drunk and high mother must be to her offspring. The tragedy is that it’s impossible to remember events when in a blackout. That was the start of this mother’s excruciating awakening. This realization in itself is necessary for healing the family as a unit. These difficult, sensitive conversations need to happen.
There are many support groups for family and friends of addicts and/or alcoholics.
CoAnon, NarAnon, AlAnon. There’s also support groups for Adult Children of Alcoholic parents. Here is a daily reading from one Support group;-
“Daily reading for September 6
“THE FAMILY
Addiction is a family disease. My children have suffered from the effects of another’s addiction. In Nar-Anon, I am learning this suffering can manifest itself in many ways. Some children become obsessive about doing schoolwork. Others are compulsive about outside sports and activities. Still others avoid assignments and do nothing. My daughter’s grades in high school took a nosedive when she discovered that her father was an addict. Other members of my Nar-Anon group have shared that their children became obsessed with schoolwork, sports or activities. Unfortunately, others shared that their children became addicts.
Just as the disease of addiction affects the addict’s self-esteem, addiction affects the self-esteem of family members. Some children stop feeling good about themselves because they mistakenly think they are responsible in some way. My children thought that because they had an addict in their family their lives were ruined. They appeared unmotivated and spiraled downward.
As a parent in recovery, I believe my job is to lead by example, so I practice the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability. I have learned when I put my children in the care of a Higher Power, I can set personal boundaries and let go to allow them to learn from the consequences of their behavior. In Nar-Anon, I have learned to quit rescuing and blaming everyone else, including the addict. I have become ready to do something useful and constructive with my own life. Then, and only then, can I be of any help to others.
Thought for Today: I will try not to take it personally when my children show the effects of the disease of addiction. I will love them and give them over to a Higher Power. I can hope they get healthy as they see me work my program in Nar-Anon.
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale “
”The best apology is changed behavior”