I get these questions a lot.
Here’s some answers and my experience both as an addictions counselor as well as being an alcoholic and an addict in recovery for over eight years myself:
Most of us suffer from one kind of addiction, could be social media, over eating or even fitness. When does an addiction become a problem. An addiction such as alcohol becomes a problem when it starts to have a negative impact on one’s personal life, work and/or family.
Alcoholism often starts at an early age and ones social life is often driven by the substance. Alcoholics will find it difficult to stop because of the effect on their social lives, it feels strange to go out and socialise without the alcohol. This is generally a good sign that the individual is having a problem and is reliant on the alcohol to cope.
SIGNS
Some of the obvious signs could be;
- Missing work
- Missing or late for appointments
- Over sleeping
- Lack of ambition
- Loss of weight or no Appetite
- Continuous fighting and arguing
- Drinking alone
- Blackouts
- Individual has a physical or psychological compulsion to drink alcohol
- Can’t just have one drink
- Hiding alcohol from family and friends
- If a individual has the shakes or DT tremors and need a drink to settle the tremors.
- If individual has extreme stomach bloating or a yellowish complexion, could be a result of liver failure.
These are some of the obvious signs, however there are a lot more and its best to talk to a professional.
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Although a number of problems on the list are applicable, my wife is in denial that she has a drinking problem. This is causing major havoc in our relationship and I have threatened her with divorce proceedings which only had a very short behavior change on her part.
My first wife was also an alcoholic who passed away aged 51 from a major stroke in 2000. She was a silent drinker also in denial.
I observe so many similarities in behavior patterns with my present wife. This is a major problem to me which I seem to not be able to solve.
I have exactly the same problem with my husband. He is in absolute denial, 8 out of the 13 signs you have stipulated is exactly what is going on. I have caught him hiding alcohol in the boot of his car, he lies about his drinking, we fight about it constantly, so badly that I don’t trust him at all any more and are consistently questioning everywhere he goes and everything he does. I have given him ultimatums countless times but it only goes well for a week or so. This has affected our home life in such a way that I do not even want to invite friends or family over because he makes a complete spectacle of us both, including my 2 girls.
Thanks do much for sharing this with us, M. I feel your frustration. Especially that your two daughters are involved. This is typical behaviour of every alcoholic I’ve ever worked with; the thing is, alcoholics are covered in such denial that they honestly believe they don’t have a problem, they tell themselves that you have a problem. The red flag for us in your situation, is “hiding the evidence”. Why do this when you’re not ashamed of what you’re doing? Hmm? You say – and rightly so, that you don’t trust him anymore. Sad thing is, that alcoholics, your husband included, can’t trust themselves! Alcoholics promise themselves – over and over that “I’ll never do this again”. And because it’s a dis-ease, they can’t help themselves. They do it again, and again, and again. Despite the negative consequences and the trouble they get into, they have a sick compulsion to drink. I’m wondering, like many family and significant others of alcoholics, about the ultimatums, and that they are effective for at least a little amount of time. In this case it goes well for a week or so. This is called putting in a boundary. Your ultimatum is a boundary. I’ve learned that the easy part of dealing with an alcoholic is setting the ultimatum (or boundary). The tricky part – and this applies to every single person who loves an alcoholic, the tricky part is implementing and carrying through with the ultimatum (or boundary). You see, the alcoholic (a person who is addicted to alcohol) has become dependent on the alcohol to function. Whether it’s to “get through a day” or “cope with all life’s stresses” or, “you don’t know how hard my life is”…
We have a saying, that alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. It’s no different than illegal drugs, but the scary part is that we live in a culture that allows, almost encourages, drinking alcohol. It’s not illegal to buy it (even youngsters get away with buying it or stealing it from parents)
The interesting part now, is how to enforce and maintain the boundary. If you need help with this, please set up an online session with me following this link: https://alphatreatment.co.za/booking-calendar/
You don’t have to do this alone. – Colleen
https://alphatreatment.co.za/booking-calendar/Alpha Online
Thanks for your thoughts, you are certainly not alone in this situation. My condolences on the death of your first wife, a terrible thing to happen. Regarding your present situation, when a person has an alcohol addiction (substance use disorder) – mostly they are unaware of how they look. Usually the people around them can see clearly there’s a problem. It’s terribly frustrating for you, because she argues that you are making a big deal of nothing. Possibly she’s acutely aware of their problem, but is terrified that alcohol will be taken away from her. I explain to significant others of alcoholics that they are not “bad” or “immoral” or “weak” at all. Rather, they are sick people (with the disease of alcoholism – a disease that tells them that they don’t have a disease.) You’ve done well to set a boundary, now to maintain this boundary. Which is a very good thing you’ve done. The interesting part is how to enforce and maintain the boundary. If you need help with this, please set up an online session with me following this link: https://alphatreatment.co.za/booking-calendar/
You don’t have to do this alone.
I think i have a problem.
Hi Loyd, I believe that you know yourself best. Do you want help I wonder?